Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize
