i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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