I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i was born a porn star she said
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
