This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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