Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
