If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
