Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
