based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
