i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Two words: nipple clamps
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