dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize