Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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