I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
