I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
