So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
