My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
