Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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