One girl and one boy is just not enough.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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