you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
