So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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