dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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