We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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