What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
