1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
