First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
