I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize