Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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