I think I died a long time ago.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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