you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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