What did we do last night that was yellow?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
