but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
