so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize