Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
