Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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