its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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