Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
