shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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