I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
