i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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