that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
