Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
tell your sister to shave her snatch
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
