i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
