it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
