Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize