Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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