you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just want nice things and good sex
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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