so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
