Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize