i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
