This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
