halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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