So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
