i was born a porn star she said
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
