I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
