so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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