:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
