you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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