So drunk its hurt
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
