He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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