she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
