Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
