I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
