We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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