that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
