he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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