I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
