Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
