Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
